(Note: this page is intended for Christians; if you are not a Christian you are free to read but this page is not intended for you)
As Christians should know by now, forgiveness is a very important part of a Christian life and is required by God for every Christian. However that forgiveness is mostly in the scenario when a fellow Christian does something wrong and then comes back and repents:
Luke 17:3
“So watch yourselves: If your brother or sister (a Fellow Christian) sins against you (does something wrong to you),…and if they repent(say their sorry and try to not do it again), forgive them.”
Matthew 18:35
“…forgive your brother or sister (Fellow Christians) from your heart.”
Ephesians 4:32
“ Be kind and compassionate to one another (Fellow Christians), forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Are just some examples of commands to forgive fellow Christians.
However, all these examples have to do with forgiving fellow Christians but what about if a non-Christian wants forgiveness? Do you also have to forgive them? And what about if a fellow Christian does you wrong and does not repent of their wrong? Do you still have to forgive them even if their unrepentant? And what about non-Christians who do you wrong and are unrepentant?
Ultimately, should there be any limits to forgiveness?
Many Christians, preachers, and teachers would say “Yes, of course we should forgive everyone who does us wrong. God requires us to forgive like Jesus and he forgave everyone no matter if they repented. And we need to forgive to have our own Peace of mind; unforgiveness only hurts you in the end.”
Thought this does sound like a good, noble, caring, and selfless thing to do and sounds like something Jesus would do. However before assuming it’s Biblical to forgive everyone of every wrong against you we need to see what the Bible says and not just consider ONLY ONE verse that proves/disproves a point we need to consider THE ENTIRE message the Bible says about the subject and come to a solid conclusion. So, while your pastor/ Church probably says yes to forgiving everyone, you should really find out what the Bible says to do!
Going back to the Golden rule of forgiveness:
Forgive as God forgives
During this study, we need to keep in mind that the ultimate standard of forgiveness for us is to forgive like God forgives:
Ephesians 4:32
“…forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Colossians 3:13
“…Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
God (and Jesus by extension) is our ultimate standard of how to forgive. So, in order to answer these questions, we need to really look at how Jesus and especially how God forgives others. And, of course, if God/Jesus openly commands a specific way to forgive we are to specifically follow that (But what he would command for us would not contradict how he would forgive since he would not contradict his nature or command what he would not do).
So first off, should you forgive non-Christians that do you wrong and then repent to you?
Since there is no direct and specific command to forgive non-Christians who repent we will look at God/Jesus’s example of forgiveness.
One example that can answer this is Jesus' example:
He seems to forgive non-disciples (And this our equivalent to non-Christians in the Gospels)
Mark 2:5
“When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’”
Luke 7:37-38
“A woman in that town who lived a sinful life (A non-Disciple) learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. (She was obviously very sorry for her sins against God, and this was her way of repenting to Jesus)”
Luke 7:48
“Then Jesus said to her [The Non-Disciple], ‘Your sins are forgiven.’ ”
So yes, even if someone is not a fellow Christians it seems if they do repent (like they repented in these examples for their sins to Jesus), like a fellow Christian, then it’s perfectly acceptable to forgive a non-Christian and its even highly suggested that you are required to forgive them just as much as you are obligated to forgive Christians.
After all, Christians are to be compassionate and willing to forgive as opposed to being strict about forgiveness:
Colossians 3:12
“As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion…”
And peaceful (not with vengeful or spiteful thoughts)
Colossians 3:15
“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.”
So, if a non-Christian wants forgiveness, we are to be compassionate and peaceful and forgive them like a fellow Christian and like Jesus did.
So biblically, it’s acceptable to forgive non-Christians just like you would other Christians, but like for Christians, it’s on the basis that they repent.
But what about a fellow Christians that does not repent? Are we still required to forgive unrepenting Christians?
Jesus actually had a command about an unrepentant Christian:
Before Jesus even said to forgive your fellow Christians and especially BEFORE the fellow Christian repented; he said to do something else when they first wronged you that was not mentioned previously:
Luke 17:3
“So watch yourselves. If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them;…”
So, this is what Jesus says to do as soon as a fellow Christian does you wrong: you should rebuke them! (Which is openly disapproving of their wrong against you specifically by telling them that they have done wrong and your disappointment with them) [1] He did not say to immediately forgive them as soon as they did wrong, but rather rebuke them for their wrong against you first!
It’s important to notice here that Jesus says to rebuke first and not forgive first!
This tells us that even with a fellow Christian: forgiveness is not the top priority especially if they have just done it. And if someone is rebuking, they have DEFINETLY not forgiven them yet. So therefore, even if it’s a fellow Christian that has done you wrong your still are not automatically required to forgive them of their wrong!
Once again, Jesus say IF the fellow Christian, after the rebuke, repents THEN that is when you are required to forgive them, not before:
Luke 17:3
“So watch yourselves. If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.”
So, it seems for Christians, the basis for forgiveness is based on IF they repent from their wrong. So, it seems from this passage if they don’t repent then there is no requirement to forgive them even if they’re a fellow Christian.
This is confirmed in another passage when Jesus is speaking in more detail about how to rebuke a fellow Christian:
Matthew 18:15
“If your brother or sister sins, (or as other translations put it: sins against you) go and point out their fault, just between the two of you (AKA Rebuke them). If they listen to you (Accept and agree with your rebuke), you have won them over. (You have brought them back to righteousness!)”
Jesus confirms the first thing you should do is rebuke a fellow Christian NOT forgive first! And rebuking is so important he even gives directions on how to properly rebuke! And AFTER the rebuke if they listen to you and repent THEN accordingly, in the main context of forgiveness back in Luke, you can forgive them.
But what about if a fellow Christian does not repent? Are you still required to forgive them?
Continuing In his directions on how to rebuke; he tells what to do if the fellow Christian does not repent or listen to the rebuke:
Matthew 18:16-17
"But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that:
(Deuteronomy 19:15)
‘Every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses’ "
(What he saying is: take one or two more fellow Christians to talk to the other Christian that has wronged you: in this way they will have more than one witness that they have done wrong)
If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church (In the original case it was the Synagogue but can also apply to the church); and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector (basically shun them).”
So, Jesus says do all that you can to rebuke a fellow Christian to repent and change their ways even if it comes to bringing the problem in front of the entire church to plead with them to repent and make things right. But IF they will not listen, even to the entire Church, then they are to be shunned from the Church entirely NOT welcomed back in with open arms!!!
This is DEFINITLY not forgiveness, in fact the exact opposite! So, from these verses so far, we can conclude that from the examples alone it’s far more important to rebuke a fellow Christian for their wrong than automatically forgive them. And if they absolutely refuse to repent then they are not to be forgiven and congratulated but rather shunned as a complete stranger. This points to unforgiveness as being the answer to unrepentant Christians.
The same thing is also said in Corinthians of how to treat a sinning and unrepentant Christian:
1 Corinthians 5:1-2
“It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that even pagans do not tolerate: A man is sleeping with his father’s wife (his mother or dad’s concubine: incest). And you are proud! (Are accepting of the sin and the sinner who committed it) Shouldn’t you rather have gone into mourning (be horrified/greatly saddened) and have put out of your fellowship (shun from the church, just like Jesus said) the man who has been doing this?”
Both Jesus and Paul tell churches to do this to fellow Christians, which is definitely not forgiveness! So therefore, we can ultimately conclude you should try to do everything you can to convince the Christian to repent to you BUT IF they do not then you DO NOT have to forgive them!
This is entirely different than what many Christians/Churches teach that says forgive everyone of everything, Jesus says the opposite: In cases with fellow Christians, there are terms and conditions that have to be meet for there to be repentance.
If this is the case for fellow Christians, then what about forgiving people who aren’t fellow Christians and DON’T repent? Because either they don’t realize they have done you wrong (out of Ignorance) or they know it's wrong but don’t want to say their sorry/don’t care (out of rebellion)?
Should we still forgive someone like this too?
There is no direct command from Jesus or God about forgiving non-Christians so we will have to look to the actions of Jesus/God himself.
Now if we know anything about God and forgiveness, we know that was a major part of our salvation and the main reason we were saved: He forgave us of our sins!
But we need to note that he only forgave us when we realized we had done him wrong AND repented! It’s obvious he did not do that before we repented or realized we had done wrong to him, before that he did not forgive our sins in fact that was the main reason we were in trouble:
Romans 5:16
“…judgment followed one sin and brought condemnation (Wrath)…”
He tells Israel to repent of their sins and then he would forgive them:
Hosea 14:1-2
“Return, Israel, to the Lord your God. Your sins have been your downfall! Take words with you and return to the Lord. Say to him:'Forgive all our sins and receive us graciously, that we may offer the fruit of our lips.[our words of repentance].' ”
We know God just does not forgive every sinner from every sin they commit; in fact, The Bible says he hates those who do evil and does not welcome them!
Psalm 5:4-6
“For you are not a God who is pleased with wickedness (Evil); with you, evil people are not welcome. The arrogant cannot stand in your presence. You hate all who do wrong; you destroy those who tell lies. The bloodthirsty and deceitful you, Lord, detest.”
God also separates himself from humans because of sin (like Jesus and Paul told us to do)
Isaiah 59:2
“… Your iniquities [Sin] have separated… You from your God;”
When People anger God, he doesn’t just forgive them and forget it he punishes those people by bringing disaster!
Zechariah 8:14
" This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘Just as I had determined to bring disaster on you and showed no pity when your ancestors angered me,’ "
God has wrath (anger) on unrepentant sinners:
John 3:36
“…God’s wrath…[is]…on them.”
God will one day punish and shun unrepentant sinners:
2 Thessalonians 1:9
“They [Sinners] will be punished …and shut out…”
So, we see from God’s example of forgiveness in the Bible that he obviously does not forgive everyone who sins against him and usually will forgive a sinner if they repent. In fact, those who sin and do not repent he actually can separate from, get angry at, and even bring disaster on such persons.
Though Jesus example is not likely to be any different from God’s, what about Jesus’s example?
Though Jesus did forgive many sins in the Bible he usually did so when they first repented of their wrong:
Like the example of the sinful women mentioned before:
Luke 7:37-38
“A woman in that town who lived a sinful life…stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.”
When afterwards Jesus forgave her:
Luke 7:48
“Then Jesus said to her, ‘Your sins are forgiven.’ ”
However even Jesus seems to not forgive everyone who does wrong, because the Bible says he has enemies:
Hebrews 10:13
“…he [Jesus] waits for his enemies to be made his footstool.”
So Jesus has enemies; now if Jesus forgives everyone of everything like some Christians/pastors might believe, why does he have enemies?
Not only that, Jesus has enemies who he will one day fight and kill!
Revelation 6:16
“They called to the mountains and the rocks, ‘Fall on us and hide us…from the wrath[The destructive anger] of the Lamb[Jesus]!’ ”
So if Jesus forgives everyone then he should therefore have no enemies and have no wrath towards anyone, but we see this is not the case: Jesus does have enemies and he will have wrath towards those enemies therefore there is no way he has forgiven everyone of everything but Like God, he seems to forgive those who repent of their wrong.
So, from looking at the examples of Jesus and God on forgiving, which is our example to how we as Christians are to forgive, we can make a pretty sound conclusion. That God and Jesus definitely do not forgive everyone of everything therefore if we are to forgive like God/Jesus does, we also do not have to forgive everyone of everything. And God/Jesus usually forgives someone only on the basis that they have first repented (like Jesus had stated before above).
So considering all this if a non-Christian does you wrong and they do not repent you therefore do NOT have to forgive them by this standard!
Also , If you can shun/unfriend a fellow Christian when they do wrong or they refuse to repent then you can definitely do the same to a non-Christian who has done you wrong, and refuses to repent!
And as stated in Corinthians, we should already have a cautious relationship with non-Christians (unbelievers) anyways:
2 Corinthians 6:14-15
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers (This does not necessarily mean you can never have a relationship with an unbeliever but rather be careful not to associate to closely to a sinning unbeliever). For what do righteousness and righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial[wickedness]? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?”
If this is the relationship, we as Christians are to have with unbelievers already: a very cautious and careful relationship always being prepared to leave that relationship if sin becomes too involved. Then surely if an unbeliever does something wrong to you and does not repent you can shun them/unbefriend them! This is definitely not forgiveness!
So, much like an unrepenting fellow Christian, we can conclude if a Non-Christian does you wrong and does not repent; then you do not have to forgive them. in fact, you can and should break the relationship with them and avoid them just for the wrong.
However, if this is the case and there are limits to forgiveness, then some might wonder about the verses where Jesus says to forgive everyone who sins against us and forgive our debtors:
Luke 11:4
“Forgive us our sins,
for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.”
Matthew 6:12
“ And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.”
Since Jesus said we should forgive EVERYONE who has sinned [Done wrong] against us and let go ALL our debtors [that owe us] some might rightly assume this is Biblical proof that we should forgive everyone of everything. While it seems, Jesus is saying this (because everyone means every single person!) we can’t just assume one scripture just proves this. We should forgive everyone of everything especially when there are obviously other verses that say otherwise. We need to read it in the context because the same person that said this also said to rebuke and unfriend unrepenting Christians!
So in this context, while Jesus did say we forgive all [Everyone] notice in the context he was telling others about how to pray: First his disciples (Luke 11: 1-4) and then a group of people (Matthew 6:9-15) I highly doubt by saying everyone he meant for them for forgive everyone of everything because this would contradict his other statements to his disciples which has been already covered above. So, we can conclude in the context, “everyone” obviously does not mean forgiving literally everyone of everything because it could not mean that in light of the entire Bible, but rather everyone means ALL people who have done you wrong and REPENTED. Therefore, in context of who was speaking, Jesus, it could not have been talking about forgiving everyone of everything but rather he was saying God can forgive us because we do the same thing as he does and forgive everyone who does us wrong and repents [we are no committing forgiveness hypocrisy by not forgiving un-repenting Christians/non-Christians as talked about before].
If this is true, then why did Jesus say in a statement to forgive to get forgiven yourself:
Luke 6:37
“…Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
Many Christians will look to this verse to not only say its proof to forgive everyone, but also as proof that if you do not forgive everyone then God will not forgive you. Being unforgiven by God is a serious thing that will leave you condemned again and on your way to hell! So, if not forgiving everyone of everything is this serious, according to Jesus, then we definitely need to know!
So, is this really proof that we should forgive everyone and if we don’t, we won’t be forgiven?
Well not exactly, like before we need to consider the context of the text and the context of the entire Bible BEFORE taking one verse as an ultimate rule. In this context, Jesus was speaking to a crowd in his sermon on the mount (Luke 6:17-37) in this specific verse, he was talking about watching your actions because whatever you do (Judge, Condemn, or forgive) it will happen to you (You will be judged, condemned, or forgiven in return). Specially about being forgiven, he is saying if you don’t forgive, you will not be forgiven in return. This is not the only verse where Jesus speaks about Forgiving and being forgiven back: Jesus said this statement again when he talked about forgiving others so Father God will forgive you:
Matthew 6:14-15
“…if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
So, it seems the previous verse does have to do with forgiving and having God forgive your sins. And Jesus did say in this verse if you do not forgive people’s wrong against you then God would not forgive your sin! So, is this proof that if you do not forgive everyone God will not forgive you?
Once again, not exactly, notice the parable Jesus tells about this concept in more detail; about when and why God leaves a Christians sin unforgiven:
Matthew 18:23-34
“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants…the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt….Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.”
As shown in the previous article, this is Jesus’s parable explaining in more detail his former statements of forgiving others and being forgiven by Father God in return. So, this parable, he explains this concept in more detail and shows why and when God leaves some sins unforgiven:
We see in the parable the servant is forgiven by the king [symbolizing the sinner being forgiven by God] but then the servant does not forgive his fellow servant in return when he begs him to [symbolizing a Christian not forgiving a fellow Christian who repents] The king in return is angry he did not forgive his fellow servant and decides to treat the servant like he treated his fellow servant: He reinstates his former dept and sends him to jail[ Symbolizing God treating the unforgiving Christian ,who refuses to forgive a fellow repenting Christin, like he did his fellow Christian: Holding his former sins that were once forgiven in salvation against the Christian once again thus the Christian is in danger of punishment and hell again!].
So once the symbolism is understood its pretty easy to understand when and why God leaves sins unforgiven, but notice the parable is dealing with the kings servants, which are symbolic of fellow Christians, so this parable is really just dealing with fellow Christians who do not forgive other fellow Christians. It is NOT dealing with forgiving non-Christians! Thus, is definitely not telling you to forgive everyone! Jesus proves this concept applies only to Christians when, right after the parable, he sums up the story and concept:
Matthew 18:35
“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you (speaking to his Disciples: Christians!) Unless you forgive your brother or sister (Fellow Christians) from your heart.”
So, this concept of God punishing unforgiveness only has to do with unforgiving Christians who don’t forgive their fellow Christians! Therefore, it DOES NOT have to do with a punishment for unforgiving Christians who don’t forgive everybody of everything! Jesus also says this concept about forgiving fellow Christians again in another statement:
Luke 17:3
“So watch yourselves: If your brother or sister (a Fellow Christian) sins against you (does something wrong to you), rebuke them; and if they repent(say their sorry and try to not do it again), forgive them.”
Also notice that for both the parable and Jesus’s scenario in Luke Both the fellow Christians who did wrong came back and repented and then were required to receive forgiveness!
Now that’s an important detail!
From all these verses we can conclude God only refuses to forgive a Christian’s sins only if they have another fellow Christian who has done them wrong come back and repent and then they refuse to forgive them.
Once again, as talk about in the last article, this is forgiveness hypocrisy, because we should forgive as God forgave us of our sins in salvation when we repented! This is the sin that causes God to unforgive your sins NOT when a fellow Christian/non-Christian does you wrong and they don’t repent but rather they keep on doing it or let it go and you don’t forgive them. According to Jesus own words in the verse above [and also as discussed earlier in this article] you DO NOT HAVE TO forgive a fellow Christian who refuses to repent, God will still forgive your sins because you have not committed hypocrisy! In fact, you have done what he would have done! Therefore, if this is the case for even fellow Christians who are unrepentant, certainly it does not apply to forgiving non-Christians who do not repent [and thus not forgiving everyone]!
So, to clarify the original verses:
Luke 6:37
“…Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
And
Matthew 6:14-15
“…if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
It’s speaking about the rule of forgiving your fellow Christian when they repent to you so you can be forgiven NOT about a mandatory command for forgive everyone of everything so you can be forgiven!
However, there is one interesting exception to this rule of Jesus forgiving unbelievers who were doing him wrong and did not repent:
It was the Roman crucifiers killing him and mocking him, he amazingly decided to ask his father to personally forgive them:
Luke 23:34
" ’Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’ And they divided up his clothes and casted lots."
So, at first this does not make sense he says to not forgive unrepenting Christians and non-Christians but yet he immediately forgives unrepenting non-Christians who are literally killing him. Many Christians would point to this verse as proof that we should forgive everyone of everything However Jesus gives the reason why he forgave them in this exception:
Luke 23:34
" Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
So, the reason he forgave them was because they didn’t know what they were doing was wrong! And it’s true these Roman soldiers were just doing their jobs: they were employed into the army to execute on command, and they happened to be assigned the messiah which they probably though he was another religious Maniac trying to disrupt order. They had no idea who he really was and the prophecy that they were fulfilling. Because of their ignorance of the situation Jesus asked Father God to forgive them [Jesus forgave them].
Another time forgiveness was made because of ignorance is when Stephan was also being killed and was begging God not to hold their sin of murdering innocent blood (HIS BLOOD) against them:
Acts 7:60
“Then he fell on his knees and cried out, ‘Lord, do not hold this sin against them.’ ”
But unlike Jesus case, they were not totally ignorant of why they were killing him: they were killing him because he was a Christian that believed Jesus was the Messiah and that he had told them about his vision:
Acts 7:55-56
“But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. ‘Look,’ he said, ‘I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.’ ”
These people obviously didn’t see the vision and though he was crazy/ a blasphemer and according to their law a blasphemer should be killed.
However, what is not mentioned is what he said about the crowd BEFORE he told them the vision:
Acts 7:51-52
“You stiff-necked people!…You are just like your ancestors:…Was there ever a prophet your ancestors did not persecute? They even killed those who predicted the coming of the Righteous One. And now you have betrayed and murdered him—“
What he said before about them was very judgmental and especially seemed unforgiving, but it was true. It was done out of love for them to realize that was what they were.
So we can come to a conclusion that he did not forgive their sins of being rebellious towards God/Jesus but Like Jesus he had mercy on their misunderstanding of his vision and knew they were his fellow Israelites despite they had committed murder against the Messiah and he had mercy on them because they were ignorant of what they were doing.
Jesus also had mercy on one person who approved of murdering Stephen: Paul. Because he was ignorant of who he really was as well:
1 Timothy 1:12-13
“I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who…shown mercy because I acted in ignorance...”
So, it seems when non-Christians commit a wrong against you and it’s in ignorance of the wrong, they are doing/did to you. Then you should have mercy on them and let it go because they are ignorant of their wrong (depending on individual situation). HOWEVER if it’s appropriate in the situation you should let them know that what they’re doing is wrong and you should call them what they are! You have mercy on them for their wrong against you personally because it was out of ignorance, BUT if you have the right opportunity like Stephen, you should tell them it’s wrong and rebuke them (like Jesus said to do with Christians! Hoping that they will turn to Jesus and be saved from their sin.)
But beware, sometimes it not always appropriate to do this depending on the situation you might need to use you own judgement (and of course help from the Holy Spirit to discern if it right) sometimes it’s better to just say nothing and let God deal with them rather than you.
So, what are some examples of a situation like this that you should forgive a non-Christian because of ignorance/mercy?
If you happen to be sentence to death row but have done nothing wrong or deserving of it(especially if the reason is you were preaching the Gospel) the person there sentenced to kill you(Wherever it be by the Guillotine or Electric chair) in this case you are to forgive the person killing you: because why they are committing murder because you have really done nothing wrong to deserve it they are ignorant of that: all they know it this is their job and for all they know you are like any other criminal. You are (if you can) to forgive them and like Jesus forgave his ignorant killers. It might be the hardest thing you ever do but you should try to pardon their sin and have mercy like God would have mercy if it were you doing it to someone else.
This shows, while we should not automatically forgive everyone of everything, In certain situations; where a non-Christian is ignorant of the wrong their doing, we should be compassionate on them and understanding from their point of view and forgive them NOT because what they’re doing is right and justified, but to have mercy on them because they are ignorant of their evil. And also, because you desire for them to come to Jesus like you and be forgiven of the wrong their doing.
As stated before, Christians are to be compassionate and willing to forgive as opposed to be strict about forgiveness:
Colossians 3:12
“As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion…”
Having mercy on sinful wicked and especially ignorant people even when the definitely don’t deserve it, is compassionate and peaceful. And more than that, this is the type of mercy God has for former sinners as well:
Like Paul, who after being saved admitted he was a wicked sinner when he stoned Stephen with other Jews and was violent, but was thankful God showed him mercy because of his ignorance!
1 Timothy 1:12-13
“I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, …that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy(forgiveness!) because I acted in ignorance and unbelief.”
Possibly, because of Stephan’s mercy on his wicked ways, he was given a chance by Jesus and chosen by him to do this and now could see the error of his former ways!
We should desire to forgive, and we should forgive(overlook) non-Christians who think they're really doing right and/or are ignorant of the situation, however this does not mean we are to forgive(overlook) all wrong done by non-Christians! As stated before, we should forgive like God/Jesus and if God/Jesus does not forgive(overlook) all sins from unbelievers then neither should we!
So, if an unbeliever does something wrong to you(or someone else you love) and they obviously know it's wrong but do not repent, then you are not required to forgive them but hold their wrong against them and possibly shun them/unfriend them!
An Example of this would be:
If one of your non-Christian friends at school goes behind your back and gossips lies about you to your other classmates and one day you find out about the gossip after being made fun of. You go to her in private and tell her it’s wrong to tell false things about another person and she will be judged by God if she does not repent, if she does not take your rebuke seriously and keeps on gossiping about you, then you DO NOT have to forgive her! She knows it's wrong because her conscience (or what’s left of it) tells her its wrong AND you also told her it was wrong! But yet she does not repent but continues to lie and sin against you. God does not forgive her sin and she might get in trouble one day with someone and ultimately, she will be judged by God if she does not repent.
These are some examples that unforgiveness would be appropriate if we are to forgive as God/Jesus forgives then its appropriate in situations like this to no forgive like God/Jesus would not forgive. And of course, if a non-Christian ever repents for their wrong then you would be required to forgive them.
So, from examining all this we can conclude forgiveness should have limits and this is proven by the Bible. So even though Many Christians and Pastors say to forgive everyone of everything Biblically this is completely wrong and even unbiblical and even dangerous!
How can forgiving be dangerous?
Well, if everyone forgive/overlook everyone of everything the people doing the wrong would never receive the correction for their wrong/sin and would never learn their lesson and continue to do it. And if you always forgave no relationships would ever be broken when they might really need to be (like in a very abusive relationship) and if you were in an abusive relationship and never broke the relationship then you might end up getting hurt or even killed!
Despite how harsh unforgiveness might appear to be, sometimes it's the right and just thing to do!
Another major problem with the forgiving everyone of everything is that it contradicts our ultimate example of forgiveness:
How God/Jesus forgives.
God/Jesus obviously does not forgive everyone of everything and also obviously holds many sins still unforgiven and accountable to those who don’t repent. Yet many Christians do the exact opposite that God/Jesus would do they would forgive those unrepentant sinners and would act like nothing was ever wrong and not only that they would also think someone [Like God/Jesus] that would hold a wrong against someone else would be hateful and disobeying the command of Jesus (which is blasphemy! Because it’s Jesus himself doing it!). Not only is that bad, but by Christians saying forgiveness is the right thing to do in all situations they’re also really saying their standard is more righteous and forgiving than God’s/Jesus’s and therefore they are more righteous and forgiving than God!
That is a great blasphemy!
NO ONE is more righteous and forgiving than God; for he is the ultimate standard of all righteousness and good! But this is what Christians are really saying when they Choose their standard of forgiveness (man-made standard) over God’s/Jesus’s holy standard of forgiveness (The Biblical standard).
However, many more Christians don’t ever think about how faulty and blaspheming this standard of forgiveness is because they do not realize this major connection that our forgiveness is directly connected to how God forgives (Which is clearly stated all throughout the New Testament). If they did, they would instantly see something was definitely not right with forgiving everyone!
So, we can come to a final conclusion that yes there is and should be a limit to forgiveness! Sadly, you will probably not ever learn this in your Church/pastor as many will say to forgive everyone, but it is Biblically true: there are limits to forgiveness as there is to God’s/Jesus’s forgiveness: because the two are interconnected. While we are to be always willing and wanting to forgive others there are conditions that have to be meet for forgiveness to take place: Both for Christians and non-Christians.
However just because you can’t forgive some does not mean you should hate them or be constantly angry at them.
unforgiveness is not equal to hate
You can/should still love those you are not forgiving and are commanded to do so by Jesus:
Matthew 5:43-44
“You have heard that it was said,
(Leviticus 19:18)
‘Love your neighbor…’
'...And hate your enemy.'
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,”
Just because you hold someone’s wrong against them and possibly shun them from a relationship does not mean it has to cause you to be bitter and hold a horrible grudge as many Christians might think unforgiveness would do. This is not God’s will for Christian to become a hard hearted and bitter people instead he gives us a much better option: We can still love our worst enemies, hate (not necessarily unforgiveness!) can and does hurt you! But even in unforgiveness we need to try love and pray for those who are wicked and done us wrong even those who have become our enemies! Because we need to realize despite their evil sinning ways, they are people created by God for a purpose and have strayed from that purpose and it should make us sad and want to pray for their return to be spared from God’s wrath. But just because we love those who’ve done us wrong does not mean we are forgiving them or should forgive them. They need to realize what they did was wrong and need to come back and repent to you before forgiveness happens.
So, in conclusion, yes there are limits to forgiveness as there should be, because even God/Jesus have limits to forgiveness! Even though forgiveness is important for Christians, and we are to be willing to forgive. And we also need to realize sometimes it's best not to forgive and break a fellowship with someone, yet we are to still love them and pray for their salvation. This conclusion is absolutely contrary to what many Churches, Christians, and pastors believe and teach. Many hearing this will claim that it’s hateful and wrong to not forgive and even say God will not forgive your sins and send you to hell! But from this study we know in the right context that’s not true unforgiveness is not necessarily hateful, sometimes it’s a very godly thing and the right thing to do, to do to keep you and others safe and show others that they have done wrong. And in the right context God only is unforgiving if someone refuses to forgive another that has repented from their wrong, not forgiving an unrepentant people who did you wrong. You need to be warned; you’re bound to receive criticism from other Christians in your church for believing this, but it is the Biblical truth and nevertheless you need to try to show them this truth as well regardless of if they accept it at first. But most importantly you need to have these limits in forgiveness if you do you will have much more Godly peace, clarity, and righteousness in your Christian life!
(You can close this extra window to go back to "Be willing to forgive")
Sources:
[1] Merriam-Webster dictionary “Rebuke”
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